so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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