You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
