I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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