If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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