There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
