Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
