We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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