can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
