Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
