He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
