Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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