Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
