My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
