Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
