I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
