When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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