I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
