Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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