No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Did I show you my penis last night?
We are two peas in an std pod
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
