why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
