The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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