She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
