Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
