I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
