you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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