My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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