The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
