if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
