Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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