thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
