so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
