I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
