and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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