Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
