Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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