If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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