..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
