I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
