We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
