Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
