Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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