i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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