oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
