i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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