i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
