i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
