Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize