ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
