i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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