Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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