so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
