I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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