i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
