He uses pillows to masturbate.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
