I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
