you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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