I would go down on you faster than GM stock
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
