My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
