Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
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