and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
