I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Randomize
