you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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