Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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