I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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