They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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