He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
