Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
