i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
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You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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